Admitting Anxiety, and loving my midwife

Yesterday while walking into the grocery store, I experienced the most deeply heavy pressure and discomfort in my pelvis. It felt like a big heavy water balloon was sitting directly on my cervix and with every step it bounced heavily, liquidly lower. I felt that I was holding this huge thing inside me only by the thinnest layer of muscle and (somewhat diminishing) will. I had to stop and think: should I go home? (maybe) am I having any sense of contractions? (no).
It was such a strange sensation. I decided I would do a “quick” grocery trip (you know, where you don’t linger over possible new additions to your diet but just grab the tried and true and boring) and I used the cart to lean on.
Nothing happened. The sensation decreased and by the time I got home I just wanted to lay down.
Which is when I realized that though I was trying to ignore it and not be alarmist, I had been worried about Sufyan for about 2 days. He had established quite a pattern recently of waking at 7:am and moving. And I had grown accustomed to feeling him throughout the day. But for the last 2 days he had been really quiet.
SO, I did what they say to do: drink something kinda sweet and lay down quietly to listen and feel for your baby. Various ideas: you should feel x number of movements in x number of minutes.
I felt none. And I hadn’t felt any for hours before. And (mounting anxiety) yesterday had been the same!
SO, I did the other thing they say to do: call your care provider.
I called Heather (midwife) who was there within the hour. She brought her doppler and we listened. Sufyan’s heart rate was great from the very first listen. Just totally fine. Then we woke him up by jostling my belly. To which he responded by kicking and my uterus responded by contracting. We listened again. His heart rate had gone up. Just like it should. He had moved, responded, and so his pulse responded as well.
The end result is that he is FINE. In fact, he is great.
And the pressure I felt? Well, let’s just say he is WAY LOW in my pelvis. That boy is ready to slide out when the time comes. I think the term is he has “dropped” .
Interesting fact from my midwife: when the baby drops low, his movements may slow for a bit as he adjusts to his new position.
Ok, so I had a false alarm and I did the anxious mom thing of panicking and calling for help. And it was the best thing to do. Why was I trying to be so cool when in fact all I needed was a little reassurance? A prenatal mom lesson.
When Heather left, I sat down and was surprised by the need to let myself cry! I didn’t realize how much I was stuffing all this anxiety about him inside and to hear he was fine was such a relief. I actually slept through the night last night. I think there is a correlation.

Having a care provider you really trust and who shows you the responsiveness, the care, the consideration that Heather shows me is such a blessing. After switching care providers several times (literally: we switched from a birthing center, to an OB/GYN, to another OB/GYN, to Heather) all I can say is do not settle for anything less than this. I feel very lucky.
And Sufyan was up at 7am today! Yay!

I want to end this long post with a couple of cool finds. I love to find stuff (letters, random objects, the odd insight into another human’s life). Enjoy!

This is one of my favorites from the highschool near me:
(a great mantra for a hard day at the office)

and this is from an elementary school parking lot:

(good question!)


4 thoughts on “Admitting Anxiety, and loving my midwife

  1. Oh yes, I know all of this so well! Bless your tender mommy heart!Great that he’s dropping down lower in the pelvis. I remember freaking out a couple of times with Andrew Bodhi; same thing, dropping down, right around the same time, and what seemed like radical slowing of movement, a change in his pattern, sobbing my heart out with worry that he’d come too soon…I’m so glad Heather was reassuring and cool! I’m sad to say that I ended up in the hospital, having them run tests and shit. It was all for nothing, just to appease my worry. They also grow at a TREMENDOUS rate now. They have less and less room to move around in there. So don’t be too surprised if his movements get slower and fewer and farther between. But still. It’s scary! See what a great mama you ALREADY are? They need us to keep tabs on them. Wait til you’re checking his breathing every 30 seconds, after he’s born! Tee hee!

  2. Hey, I stumbled upon your blog through Hannah’s! So awesome to see that you’re blogging, and I’m loving all the thoughtful entries. I think everyone should have a blog, but that’s just my bias, I guess.Your found notes reminded me of this note on flickr, made by my friend Prentiss: look forward to future updates–you are in the home stretch! I know you will be a great Mom.

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