onward through the fog

i am in love with him. i don’t feel the need to capitalize proper nouns or the first letter of any sentence, since every second counts when the baby is either sleeping or in his daddy’s arms. he is having a diaper change just now.
diaper change time has also been play time pretty often. man oh man is that cute!!! he uses his limbs like little pistons and his voice like a grackle trying out new sounds while i rub his back and kiss his feet.
yes this is a lot of work and yes this is hard sometimes. but there has never been anything i have done that felt so worth doing.
yesterday i left the house with him to take a medium sized walk. he was in his sling and wrapped in layers of blankets.
i am terrified of leaving the house because i don’t know how to get him comfortable in the sling, and i am so afraid of juggling breast feeding, the sling awkwardness, the diaper change possibility (wait, no, definite diaper change) at the places I go which really don’t cater to the infant wearing set…i will also find new places.
i have had mastitis for the past 3 days, and that’s no fun at all. i got lots of good input on how to deal and so we are over it today. hopefully never to return…


One thought on “onward through the fog

  1. That love you feel now will grow exponentially in the coming months. It is a love unlike any other that we could have ever imagined – truly, sometimes painfully, unconditional – to wake up completely consumed by another’s well-being before you have time to wipe the sleep out of your eye. It gets easier, it will become more rhythmic very soon. You will likely soon feel like an old-pro who can’t remember and don’t care what life was like when you had a full night’s sleep. You will thrive off of toothless gummy smiles like you used to thrive off food (which you will now often eat standing over the sink) and wonder how something so small and simple can bring you such joy. It is sublime and banal all at the same time. Sufyan is such a blessed boy to have you as mama.

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