about letting go

It has been 5 nights since Sufyan suddenly stopped nursing to sleep for the night. I have gone through a rapid gamut of emotions about this. Sad, guilt ridden (“did I force this on him?”), jealous (“I’m the one your supposed to look to for comfort, remember?”), etc.
But tonight I feel mostly…relieved. After all, for the past 16 months every nap and every night I was the only way he could sleep. And he usually required at least one nurse down for each nap and a great many more nurse downs every night. But now, I hold him and hug him and tell him good night. We walk toward the bedroom door and he slides into his Baba’s arms happily and goes to sleep within minutes.
And, miracle of miracles, that boy stays asleep most of the night!
So, while Baba is working on sleep, I get to check my email! Sit on my butt! Eat ice cream! Sigh and take in the day we’ve shared! It’s actually kind of nice to let go of some of the duties I have had for this long.

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2 thoughts on “about letting go

  1. I think the fact that you are feeling this mix of emotions but are, in the end, feeling relieved and S still seems happy, really means that it is a good transition. It seems that when it comes to these big milestones it is always the mom (and dad) that feel the loss and the child is happily sprinting along, moving on to new milestones. And hey, congratulations on having some alone time! It makes this job that much more enjoyable.

  2. It is so crazy that this moment has finally come for you. In a sense, like you've said before, he's still a baby in so many ways and he's a little boy in so many others. While I am still a week a way from being having my baby actually in my arms (and at the breast), I can only imagine that having them ween is probably the hardest thing to endure besides watching them hurt themselves. Nobody really misses changing diapers that much when that phase is over (we just may miss the idea of them "being" in diapers), we don't miss it when they stop hitting their heads with their first steps (we may mourn that they now walk but love it, too). But just like these other things, there's a positive side to the weening that is sooooo well timed for you right now. Bonding with your new baby over ice cream while reading email and doing internet searches about random pregnancy stuff is just what the Dr. ordered at this time! And of course, you are just mere months away from being that 100% calming source for your next baby, no matter what time it is!So for those of us that are about to go on this journey…what is your advice about nursing to sleep and essentially being the only one that can get your child to sleep (like after the newborn period…)? Will you be doing anything differently with child #2?

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