We had Uncle Tareq here to visit last week and most of these photos were taken by him as he was almost never without his camera. Sufyan loves Tareq, and the beauty of Uncle Tareq being a single man and able to travel is that he is free to come visit and focus almost totally on Sufyan…and boy did S love it. Here are some of my little monkey’s current favorite expressions:
We call this one “fish lips” (and we see it all the time though we have not idea where it came from):
So, I am nearly 4 months pregnant. I am still sick, but my outlook is evolving. Slowly. One thing I feel comfortable saying here (of the many things I want to say) is that being sick all the time, tired all the time, and then sick all the time (did I mention sick?) is really demoralizing. It’s depressing. The every day nausea, the constant internal dialog about not throwing up, (“just don’t think about cucumber! don’t think about cheese! Oh if I think about apple juice one more time I am going to puke! APPLEJUICE! nooooooo!”) is exhausting.
No idea what to call this one. Did you ever see the weird picture of the old man who can put his bottom lip over his nose?
Here it is again. He does this one when he’s been focusing on something in his thoughts…and it’s hilarious.
So on top of the unrelenting nausea, I have had this unsettling feeling that I cannot handle what is about to happen in my life. And that is scary. It has led me to ask some serious questions about how to plan for the time after our baby arrives. It’s made me think about a postpartum doula, or things like instead of a 2nd baby shower we should have a party and anyone with the inclination to buy a gift is encouraged instead to donate to the “Save Mama’s Sanity” fund for hired help around the house.
Here is his just pure happy face. Happy to see you, happy to see your camera, happy to be the center of so much loving attention. He sure is sweet.
And I am excited to be having a baby! It took me slogging through some pretty dark places to come up to the light, but not only was this baby conceived with hope and love but my joy at having this little one growing and thriving inside my body is immeasurable.
For the times I have been overwhelmed, I want to beg for patience, for tolerance as my resiliance waxes and wanes. Please be patient, little one, and know I love you with my whole heart and soul.
I cannot wait to meet you, little one! You are so very loved already!
This is him laughing at a joke, possibly his favorite right now that involves him doing anything we ask him not to do (as in, “oh no, Sufyan! don’t eat another bite of food! that’s your dinosaur’s food! no no don’t eat it!” when we are trying to get him to eat more)
So it’s been complex, my time so far in this pregnancy. At times I have been so far adrift in a sea of nausea and migraines and exhaustion that I can’t see where the current is taking me and don’t want to keep swimming. But as I am the bouy for more than just myself now, also carrying Sufyan, new baby, and the love of my partner, there is no choice but to swim.
The best thing has been happening lately: I am excited about and happy about and feel in touch with the new baby. And she (?) is incredibly vibrant. My growing abdomen feels like a good place to put my hands and smile down at her, sure that adding this new life will be a herculean undertaking and finally truly looking forward to it. Nausea and all.