The first thing you need to know is that I understand that what happened yesterday is normal. It’s necessary, and it’s clearly developmentally advantageous. I can even applaud it today, in hindsight. But, knowing all of that didn’t make it easier.
Yesterday Sufyan was having a day that was definitely a “Baba” day. I had noticed all day that he was only vaguely interested in me, but really Baba’s attention was his main interest. Fine, that’s happened a lot before and I’ve been so glad because soon Baba will have more free hands/time than me.
But yesterday Baba was reading him a book and asked me to come sit with them and Sufyan’s eyes got huge and he shook his head “no no no!” as I sat down. Then he started grunting angrily and shoving me with both hands off and away!
Ok. So I went away. Then I walked back past his door later and he was playing and I said, “can I come in?” and vigorously shook his head “NO!” and pointed out and away from his door. From the other room I could hear him happily singing, “Baaaaaba! Baba! Baba!” SO happily…
And later as we went to the botanical gardens together as a family, he refused to hold my hand. He didn’t want me to feed him snacks. He just didn’t want me at all.
So, I cried. It was silly of me to cry, but somehow it just got to me this time. Maybe it’s the pregnancy. I’m tired and emotional. My little guy is growing up so fast, becoming so independent.
What do you mean, “NO Mama!”? “Mama” is all I have! You’re my first born, Sufyan. You will never know how much I love you. Not unless someday you have your own child.
I felt ridiculous letting that get to me, but it did. So there you have it.