eating goat milk yogurt and muesli. I peg myself as someone who likes goat milk anything but this is some pretty goaty yogurt. It’s baladia, or locally made/Palestinian made.
This morning I went on a mama-time date with S. We really needed time together-just us. L has been quite needy and clingy and is not sleeping well, so S has been getting necessarily shafted in the special time with mama department. I miss him like crazy at these times, though the missing him has changed. I used to miss him in a painful, “what have I done?” kind of way. I admit I was intensely mourning my time with Sufyan after Laila came. I say this with guilt and with pain for my early relationship with Laila, but its the truth. When Laila entered the scene her reflux and her pain sucked the resources right out of me: energy, happiness, time to fall in love with her, time to do anything but grab a few minutes of sleep before she started screaming again, joy…it all fell away while we tried to get her through her pain. And my heart ached for Sufyan, who suddenly didn’t get me anymore after having me 100% every day of his life and didn’t understand why Laila was screaming all the time and why Mama was depressed all the time. I was so depressed. Poor Laila. Poor Sufyan.
Sufyan now says, “Hey. Remember when Laila was born? Was she sick? Remember?”.
I said the missing S has changed, and it has. Now Laila and I have some good times between us. We have that incredible, sweet, fathomless LOVE. I’m crazy about her. My little daughter. So when I miss Sufyan now its more like needing to find balance and missing his personality rather than missing my child as if he’d been yanked from my life. There is more balance, and HUGE relief in finding this immense love between Laila and I. And the endurance of the immense love between Sufyan and I. Nothing has changed that. Love just expanded and patiently waited.
So we went out to a coffee shop together, which was a favorite thing for us in Austin. This coffee shop is called Zaman. I thought I’d include some pics and a video to convey the experience of Zaman. We like it, though its expensive. A cappuccino there costs about 15NIS or about $4.30. We got a breakfast of omelet, cinnamon roll, fruit, juice and a cappuccino for about $14 or 49NIS.
Here is Zaman and my sweet boy: